apologia
Main Entry: ap·o·lo·gia
Pronunciation: \ˌa-pə-ˈlō-j(ē-)ə\
Function: noun
Etymology: Late Latin
Date: 1784
: a defense especially of one's opinions, position, or actions
Word of the Day: desultory
Main Entry: des·ul·to·ry
Pronunciation: \ˈde-səl-ˌtȯr-ē also -zəl-\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin desultorius, literally, of a circus rider who leaps from horse to horse, from desilire to leap down, from de- + salire to leap
Date: 1581
1 : marked by lack of definite plan, regularity, or purpose
2 : not connected with the main subject
In post below I stated that I was an agnostic. This assertion was followed a few lines later by the rhetorical exhange:
"Do I believe in God? No."
So why do I not characterize myself as an atheist?
Simple, short answer: the shrill, strident certainty of professed atheists is off-putting. For me the truth-value of the proposition "G-d exists" is unknown and unknowable. If I am unwilling to profess faith in G-d, I am no more willing to positively assert G-d's non-existence.
Full disclosure: I sing in a Lutheran church choir.
As an undergraduate I took classes in Old Testament history, New Testament theology, and Mesopotamian Religion & Thought - offered jointly by the College and the Divinity School. I have an affinity for religious metaphor. (I recommended the class on Mesopotamian Religion & Thought to others as a sure "A" - they didn't have the same impression of the class as I!)
Most everyone I know is a believer. I grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma, which at the time could be honestly described by Time Magazine as "the buckle of the Bible Belt."
I am not ignorant of the Judaeo-Christian tradition of which I am a product! I simply don't believe.
I participate in church service to the extent I can without offending my conscience. During the "prayers of the people" I am more than happy to respond, "Hear our prayer." I recite the Lord's Prayer (more on this below). I cannot in good conscience recite the Creed. I do not take Communion. (I am the only non-communicant in the choir.)
Why do I attend church? To sing in the choir. I really like singing choral music. Church provides the opportunity to sing choral music weekly!
As promised: more on my recitation of the "Lord's Prayer."
I learned the Lord's Prayer in 4th-grade, in public school! One of my classmates - Penny (last name now long-forgotten) - requested of the teacher, Mrs. Shaner, that she be allowed to lead the class in prayer to begin each day. Park Elementary School; Casper, Wyoming; 1961. Later that year I was in hospital for some now-forgotten reason. On the wall of the hospital ward was an embroidered copy of the Lord's Prayer - I was surprised to see the words I'd been reciting in class on the wall of the ward!
My high school girlfriend was a preacher's daughter. Don Newby - her dad - was one of the finest men I have ever known. I attended a few church 'retreats' with her - and always found myself playing the role of resident atheist. It was fun.
I've not read the entire Bible, but am sufficiently familiar with it that I can find the Sunday texts without needing helpful, "the reading can be found on page xxx of your pew Bible."
I believe the Bible to be men's responses to what they perceived as the Divine in history. I believe the Qur'an is likewise one man's response to what he perceived as his encounter with the Divine. [I've not read the Qur'an... I've read an English paraphrase of the Qur'an - to the believing Muslim, the Qur'an exists only in Arabic: no translation is possible; all translations are at best paraphrases.] I think to myself, "Maybe Gabriel was deaf." ... the Qur'an being the words of G-d recited to Mohammed by the angel Gabriel directly from G-d... What if Gabriel didn't hear so well?
"And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise." (Luke 6:31)
This seems like a reasonable rule by which to live.
Final Countdown
1 week ago
2 comments:
So many of us are either leaving the faith in which we were raised or beginning to question if we ever really had faith. My heart sings out that there is a God. I am no longer so certain what that means. Is your celebration of the possibility-without-conviction any less worshipful than the true believer's recitation of prayers which have become meaningless with time and repetition?
Thanks for sharing this with me Russ. I haven't quite slipped over into the agnostic way of thinking, but I can certainly appreciate it--maybe even more than my own still muddled view of what I believe.
btw--this is Sarah!
And I'm not sure I mean "still muddled." I think I mean something more along the lines of "muddied." I think about this topic almost daily. Then I spent three years in grad school writing about it. The more I think, the less of a handle I have on those certainties that marked my childhood. Not a bad thing.
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