Robotic Complaint Generator

A correspondent provides the following indictment of me, provided by the Robotic Complaint Generator referenced in the heading:

My complaint about Mr. Russ Sype
If you are one of the few who has never been presented with evidence that Mr. Russ Sype plans to instill distrust and thereby create a need for his demonic views, then be glad that the task to educate yourself has just become easy. With this letter, I compile all of the necessary evidence into one easy-to-read document. Let me cut to the chase: Just the other day, some of his contemptible faithfuls forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Mr. Sype's blueprint for a world in which cocky, demented propagandists are free to boss others around. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that Mr. Sype likes to imply that granting him complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. This is what his solutions amount to although, of course, they're daubed over with the viscid slobber of disorganized drivel devised by his expositors and mindlessly multiplied by rotten, obdurate tightwads.

We mustn't be content to patch and darn, to piece and cobble at the worn and rotten fabric of Mr. Sype's blathering, dishonest reports. Instead we must fight on the battleground of ideas for our inalienable individual rights. Mr. Sype's most progressive idea is to bamboozle people into believing that everyone with a different set of beliefs from his is going to get a one-way ticket to Hell. If that sounds progressive to you, you must be facing the wrong way.

I see two problems with Mr. Sype's indiscretions on a very fundamental level. First, mankind, with all of its accumulated knowledge, wonderful machines, scientific methods, and material power, still has much to fear from prissy, judgmental libertines like him. And second, his fabulous success is not firmly connected with meritorious ability. That said, let me continue.

Mr. Sype loves getting up in front of people and telling them that jujuism is a wonderful thing. He then boasts about how he'll force us to bow down low before querulous tricksters in the blink of an eye. It's all part of the media spectacle that is Russ Sype. Of course, he soaks it up and wallows in it like a pig in mud. Speaking of pigs and mud, Mr. Sype is a small part of a large movement that seeks to egg on negative externalities in the form of evasion, collusion, and corruption. Now that's a strong conclusion to draw just from the evidence I've presented in this letter so let me corroborate it by saying that we should hinder the power of sophomoric deadheads like Mr. Sype. (Goodness knows, our elected officials aren't going to.) As another disquieting tidbit the following must be stated: Mr. Sype coins polysyllabic neologisms to make his strictures sound like they're actually important. In fact, his treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary.

To most people, the idea that Mr. Sype lacks the dim flicker of sentience one needs to qualify as an imbecile is so endemic, so long ingrained, that when others conclude that his bromides are propaganda to the point of comedy and are so easily refuted as to render them useless even as such, this merely seems to be affirming an obvious truth. A central fault line runs through each of his inclinations. Specifically, even his lapdogs, who are legion, are afraid that he will advocate infantile philippics sooner than you think. I have seen their fear manifested over and over again and it is further evidence that I, not being one of the many asinine talebearers of this world, don't care what others say about Mr. Sype. He's still scabrous, snappish, and he intends to sound the standard "they're out to get us" call and rally his spin doctors to elevate his opinions to prominence as epistemological principles. When asked to mend his ways, Mr. Sype will give people a wink and a smile, but when the wheels begin to turn, it's business as usual.

Mr. Sype thinks that his way of life is correct and everyone else's isn't. However, his initiatives would be completely risible if they weren't so wild. It's easy for armchair philosophers to theorize about him and about hypothetical solutions to our Mr. Sype problem. It's an entirely more difficult matter, however, when one considers that the last time I heard him ramble on in his characteristically bibulous blather he said something about wanting to inspire a recrudescence of conniving fatuity. I feel sorry for the human race when I hear stuff like that.

As we all know, Mr. Sype hates me for my determination and my aggressive stance for what is right. I am not fooled by his belligerent and eristic rhetoric. I therefore gladly accept the responsibility of notifying others that if we complain about nutty lie-virtuosi then the sea of masochism, on which Mr. Sype so heavily relies, will begin to dry up. I was, however, going to forget about the whole thing when it suddenly occurred to me that he is not interested in what is true and what is false or in what is good and what is evil. In fact, those distinctions have no meaning to him whatsoever. The only thing that has any meaning to Mr. Sype is irreligionism. Why? That's not a rhetorical question. What's more, the answer is so stunning that you may want to put down that cereal spoon before reading. You see, you may have noticed that Mr. Sype's screeds are a spiritually destructive propaganda instrument aimed at our children. But you don't know the half of it. For starters, I believe I have found my calling. My calling is to maximize our individual potential for effectiveness and success in combatting Mr. Sype. And just let him try and stop me.

Mr. Sype says that truth is merely a social construct. This is noxious falsehood. The truth is that he presents one face to the public, a face that tells people what they want to hear. Then, in private, Mr. Sype devises new schemes to confuse, disorient, and disunify.

Consequently, if a cogent, logical argument entered Mr. Sype's brain, no doubt a concussion would result. Put simply, some day, in the far, far future, Mr. Sype will realize that his general prostration before expansionism confirms that the ineluctable outcome of Mr. Sype's adages is a world in which stolid gadflies conceal information and, occasionally, blatantly lie. This realization will sink in slowly but surely and will be accompanied by a comprehension of how he would have us believe that it's inappropriate to teach children right from wrong. Yeah, right. And I also suppose that Mr. Sype has mystical powers of divination and prophecy? The fact of the matter is that his premise (that his vices are the only true virtues) is his morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Mr. Sype uses this disguised morality to support his sound bites, thereby making his argument self-refuting. Even as I write those words I can feel Mr. Sype cringe. That's okay. Cringe. I don't care because if I have a bias, it is only against sinful guttersnipes who eroticize relations of dominance and subordination.

Well, sure; Mr. Sype is hampered by a load of contradictory and absurd assumptions of the school that he follows, but that doesn't change reality. He should do some research next time before printing half-truths and misinformation. Hence and therefore, Mr. Sype's admirers are hardly strangers to escapism. End of story. Actually, I should add that some people apparently believe that if we don't bother him, he won't bother us. The fallacy of that belief is that our desires and his are not merely different; they are opposed in mortal enmity. Mr. Sype wants to eavesdrop on all sorts of private conversations. We, in contrast, want to alert people that I am not predicting anything specific. I just have a feeling, an intuition, based on several things that are happening now that Mr. Sype will ignite a maelstrom of antagonism one day. That's all for this letter. For those that don't like my views, get over it. I allege that I have as much a right to my views, and to express them, as anyone else. So when I say that uppity tax cheats differ from each other only in the degree to which they create a regime of filthy feudalism, you can agree with me or not. That's all there is to it.

Have a nice day.